October #5

feminism, meme dump, screenshot party, quotes galore

Happy Thor’s day, happy Halloween, hello!

This month I tried to write about sexism in a way that doesn’t look back to all the shit that has happened, but into the present and forward, into what could be and into antidotes. It was much more difficult than anticipated. It was hard to move through what was, let it rest when there are so many reminders and scars of past violence.

This month included the wonderful question “If someone doesn’t feel like they’re being discriminated against, is it still discrimination?" I replied that yes, they will still suffer the structural consequences, like getting paid less, getting worse medical care, having to work more. I always come back to hard truths and that honesty with others can only really be honest if we’re also being honest with ourselves.

“To know love we have to tell the truth to ourselves and to others. Creating a false self to mask fears and insecurities has become so common that many of us forget who we are and what we feel underneath the pretense. Breaking through this denial is always the first step in uncovering our longing to be honest and clear. Lies and secrets burden us and cause stress.”
bell hooks, all about love, chapter 3

Writing into the future is difficult when patriarchal violence is on trial, decidedly public, for everyone to see how deep it really runs. And it’s public so we can face this hard truth, accept it, move with it, move on. I choose to believe that Gisèle Pelicot trusts us to face this with her and to speak louder and more than before. If she can go through this trial, I can write into the future knowing that it is exactly the right time. Sometimes things are difficult just because they are new.

And because it’s difficult, here comes the part I was going to skip:

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Happiness of the week:

The car wash. Big tools much noise only boys vrooom shiny chit chat all clean.

Waking up feeling rested and relaxed.

Spontaneity.

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This month has left me feeling uncomfortable, because of “bad” things that have happened and because of growth that is happening, and because I understand some things more clearly and haven’t yet worked out the consequences I need to draw from it. Hard truths. The hard truth is, the imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy has me constantly working beyond capacity and I’m tired of being tired. There isn’t really a solution to the overwhelm of single motherhood in this system, but there is the option to resist by not letting it take all of my energy. My therapist told me this too and her advice has never failed me, so I’m affirmed in focussing on this. I have yet to figure out better ways to live that resistance. I might take it as the theme for next month.

And I’ll leave you with a quote from Emergent Strategies by adrienne maree brown:

“If the goal was to increase the love, rather than winning or dominating a constant opponent, I think we could actually imagine liberation from constant oppression. We would suddenly be seeing everything we do, everyone we meet, not through the tactical eyes of war, but through eyes of love. […] We would understand that the strength of our movement is in the strength of our relationships, which could only be measured by their depth. Scaling up would mean going deeper, being more vulnerable and more empathetic.
What does depth require from us, from me? In my longing for depth I have been re-rooting in the earth, in myself and my creativity, in my community, in my spiritual practices, honing in on work that is not only meaningful but feels joyful, listening with less and less judgement to the ideas and efforts of others, having visions that are long term.”

See you next week with a new question and I hope you enjoy the media collection below! Thank you for reading me.

Leonie

PS, do you know where to get a patch with Gisèle’s famous quote? please let me know.

PPS, I really like how Melanie Hamlett talks about the Pelicot trial on TikTok. It’s in more digestable chunks and she makes us take dog breaks. I’ve appreciated her for a while, she names what’s wrong with patriarchy and has a beautiful mixture of exasperation, rage and nuance. When I wrote that it’s important to share what happens to us because of sexism, I think of people like her.

“Bewegt sich die Femme als Doppelagentin durch die Welt, irritiert sie gewisse Grundpfeiler des bürgerlichen Geschlechterdiskurses: Sie inszeniert heterosexuell konnotierte Weiblichkeit, ohne heterosexuell zu sein. Sie verqueert heteronormative Zeitlichkeit und sie entzieht sich der Identifizierung über das Feld des Sichtbaren. In ihrer Rolle Als Doppelagentin ‘veruneindeutigt’ die Femme heterosexuell konnotierte Femininität und lesbische Identität gleichermaßen.”
Dominique Grisard, Die Femme als Doppelagentin. In: Femme! radikal - queer - feminin, Sabine Fuchs (Hg.), Berlin 2009